The End of an Era

All good things must come to an end.  And so it is with Books-on-CD Guy.  I have admired him from a far for over a year now and last spring was informed of his impending matrimony.  I even ran into him and the wife-to-be over the summer and though I tried to sneak away he was too quick and forced introductions.  Blast…

And so yesterday, when Books-on-CD Guy came in to peruse our new acquisitions he sported not only his “make-me-melt-into-a-puddle-of-schmuck” smile, but also a chincy gold band on his left hand.  Ok, maybe not chincy, but seriously, who wears yellow gold anymore?

Ah well… The end of an era is upon us.  Hopefully to be replaced by bigger and better things…

Suspending…

Andy is wearing suspenders again… they really are just not doing much for him.  I think I may buy him a belt this weekend…

A Case of the Mondays…

I’m not sure exactly what that phrase means but I’ve heard it more than a few times and it just seems fitting for the way I’m feeling today.

I’m opening with Andy which is never a pleasant experience especially when he’s wearing hideous suspenders and acting pissy… When he does things like this it really induces word vomit on my part… I can’t help it.

BossMan brought his dog to the library again (this is not an unusual occurance) and it’s whining.  This is why I don’t have a dog at my house.

And it’s Monday which means Ivy is coming in and I’m going to have to tell her that she totally screwed up last week and made a ton more work for some of other volunteers (at least it wasn’t more work for me).  She’s not exactly the sharpest crayon in the box…

Ugh… more to come…

Saturday at the Library…

Lucky me, I get to spend the day cooped up in the library with Ethel.  First thing this morning, I had to call the Pole Artist to let him know he had an arrived hold, which means he’ll definitely be in today and try to lure back to his gallery after close… ew.

In an attempt to drown out Ethel’s constant babble I picked up the newest Conde Naste Traveler.  Unfortunately, the scenic pictures and descriptions of spa emenities only made my outlook for the day that much more bleak.  Someone save me now…

Unrequited Goodies

As small children we are all taught the golden rule: Don’t take candy from strangers.  In college this rule morphs into the “Don’t take a beverage from a stranger” rule. Now, years later in the library setting, the rule has returned to it’s original form.

The Pole Artist is one of our regular patrons.  He’s in his 70s (to the best of mine and Conan’s deductions) and (as his name implies) is a Eastern European turned American who now makes his living by painting and running a small gallery near the library.  He is missing a few fingers, and usually smells pretty bad and totally has a thing for me.  At first I tried to pass it off as mere friendly, grandfatherly gestures, but after some of his comments, it just couldn’t be overlooked. He often invites me to his gallery to view his work… the paintings that is.

A month or so ago he stopped in the library and informed me he’d be heading back to Poland for vacation (or something like that) and that he’d bring me something back as a treat.  Lovely.  Now tell me how you can tell an old man you don’t want any of his stinking treats?  I didn’t.  I just smiled and nodded and hoped that Alzheimers or something would kick in just enough to help him forget.  No such luck.

A week or two ago the Pole Artist returned and managed to find me back in the stacks where I immediately cornered.  He wanted me to know that he had indeed brought me back some chocolate from Europe but that I would have to come to his gallery to get it.  So now the man is trying to lure me to a secluded place with candy. Wow, it’s right back to the playground and the child molesters luring small kids into the cars with sweets.

I haven’t gone to the gallery.  And with a little help from Conan I’ve managed to stay undercover when the Pole Artist has reappeared.  Does chocolate have a shelf-life?  Or am I going to have to remain on the DL forever?

Your Survey Monkey Sucks

Gertrude is very proud of her survey monkey.  She talked of it incessently at the workshop I attended last week and wanted us to be sure to fill it out.  Last year as a brand new member of the library family I found three errors in her survey and was quick to let her know.  This year the survey is much shorter, yet equally crappy.

I want her to know, that her survey monkey sucks.  And she needs to lose the bee suit.

After a brief rant with Conan he went on about the Simpson’s episode where Homer buys a monkey… the reference was lost on me… any takers?

I’m too young for this…

Yesterday, I got behind the wheel of the library van, hot chocolate in hand (I still have yet to make the coffee plunge), and proceeded to drive an hour and half with five branch library ladies to the annual youth services conference.  It was nice to get away for the day but spending 8 hours tucked in a conference room with a bunch of Children’s Librarians can drive one to drinking almost as fast as some of my story time kids.

I must say that I did learn some things.  I took notes, even pausing to email Conan to tell him what he was missing.

And so I bring you… the wonderful conference in a nutshell:

• The wonderful head Children’s Librarian of our state, Gertrude, decided to start the conference off with a youtube video.  After which the black box with posted suggestions popped up.  At the top (flashed upon three big screens) was “F**k Your Mom.”  The little old ladies were aghast and poor Gertrude was completely oblivious…
• Gertrude continued the day with numerous attempts at humor… each joke, however, was followed by an unfortunate explanation instead of laughter.
• During the first session I was really trying to pay attention and had started this awful nervous habit where I pick and flick at my pen.  Well I flicked to hard, ladies and gentlemen, and sent the pen cap sailing across the room.  What better way to get everyone staring at you…
• There was a lady with purple hair who knitted the whole day… and I mean the WHOLE day…
• I learned that my brain will not be fully developed until the age of 30.  So I have a couple years left of using that as an excuse I guess…
• Contrary to popular belief, Indians (otherwise known as savages, indigenous peoples, native americans, and redskins) do not smoke pot in their peace pipes.

And so the conference ended.  Not before I got drug up on stage by the traveling musician who performed some sort of trick making my head look ginormous to the entire audience.  Oh well, at least I was good for a laugh.  In the end, we all piled back into our smelly van and I brought us safely back to home base.  It was lovely to hear the volunteer rants and raves, especially those targeted on BossMan who has not endeared himself at the branches, to say the least.

And the best part of the day was learning that the staff at the main branch (including myself) are known by the branch volunteers as the dysfunctional family of the bunch.  Now if that doesn’t warm your heart I don’t know what will.

Feds’ New Role

Apparently, I’m not the only one who needs a little Sugar Daddy in their life.  Way to go Feds.

Save a life

Conan is saving lives today.  I am sitting at my desk writing blog posts and pretending to be productive when people walk by.  Gosh I suck…

But you don’t have to.  Save a life dammit!

Weeding

I know I’m still relatively new at this collection development stuff but, when your library’s copy of “Guide to Magazines for Children” is older than your Children’s Librarian, I think that’s a good indication it should be weeded…

Call me crazy…