Unrequited Goodies

As small children we are all taught the golden rule: Don’t take candy from strangers.  In college this rule morphs into the “Don’t take a beverage from a stranger” rule. Now, years later in the library setting, the rule has returned to it’s original form.

The Pole Artist is one of our regular patrons.  He’s in his 70s (to the best of mine and Conan’s deductions) and (as his name implies) is a Eastern European turned American who now makes his living by painting and running a small gallery near the library.  He is missing a few fingers, and usually smells pretty bad and totally has a thing for me.  At first I tried to pass it off as mere friendly, grandfatherly gestures, but after some of his comments, it just couldn’t be overlooked. He often invites me to his gallery to view his work… the paintings that is.

A month or so ago he stopped in the library and informed me he’d be heading back to Poland for vacation (or something like that) and that he’d bring me something back as a treat.  Lovely.  Now tell me how you can tell an old man you don’t want any of his stinking treats?  I didn’t.  I just smiled and nodded and hoped that Alzheimers or something would kick in just enough to help him forget.  No such luck.

A week or two ago the Pole Artist returned and managed to find me back in the stacks where I immediately cornered.  He wanted me to know that he had indeed brought me back some chocolate from Europe but that I would have to come to his gallery to get it.  So now the man is trying to lure me to a secluded place with candy. Wow, it’s right back to the playground and the child molesters luring small kids into the cars with sweets.

I haven’t gone to the gallery.  And with a little help from Conan I’ve managed to stay undercover when the Pole Artist has reappeared.  Does chocolate have a shelf-life?  Or am I going to have to remain on the DL forever?