Most standard job descriptions have a little clause tacked on the end that many overlook and few really feel the weight of. “Other duties as assigned,” has come to be a motto of sorts at the library, and one that I not only seem to live by, but regard with much disdain.
Over the past year my “other duties” have come to include cleaning up poop, moving overly heavy furniture, and starring in the lead role as our library spokesperson on the local television station. You really don’t appreciate how many people watch the local television station until you get accosted in Walmart but a gang of middle aged men.
While I don’t really mind going on each month and doing my thing for the sake of the library, I do mind when this little “duty” goes above and beyond. And that is what happened when the lady from the station came by to ask for my picture last week. They were going to put up a “board” about the local station and wanted to feature two or three of the regulars, myself being one of them. I told her I figured I could deal with that. She then said that she’d actually need three picture as there would be three “boards”. I start to rack my brain trying to think of where there is room for three bulletin boards in their not so large office building, and say as much to her. “Well,” she replies, “they aren’t in the building. They’re along [insert main road through county here].”
Oh yes, dear readers, while I was picturing a nice little snapshot of myself reading a book on a bulletin board in their meeting room, she was actually referring to a billboard on the side of the road. A FREAKIN’ BILLBOARD! Now, if you ask me billboards are for models, strippers, and radio hosts (who never really look like they sound…), and last time I checked I was none of those.
Needless to say, after an impromptu photo shoot this afternoon, I am feeling even more queasy about this prospect. I think it’s time to leave the County (more on that to come…).
Categories: Uncategorized
In a day where we depend on Myspace and Facebook to tell us who our true friends are, it’s always refreshing to have confirmation come in other forms. Such as yesterday as I spent my lunch break on my laptop in a quiet and secluded niche (or so I thought).
Patron: Hey, didn’t expect to see you here today. Did you park somewhere else?
Me (knowing that he was referring to the fact my vehicle which I traded in over the weekend was no in the parking lot): Nope, I’m here.
Patron: Oh, well I didn’t see your car out there.
Me: [insert name here], are you stalking me?
Patron (suddenly beyond flustered): Oh, no, I mean, my girlfriend wouldn’t like that. And besides… we’re just to good of friends.
Wow… I shared this with Conan and we got a laugh on so many levels. One that this patron even has a girlfriend, and two, that we are just such good friends. I had no idea. Too add to the flavor of this story the patron came in later in the evening and had a closed door chat with one of my co-workers about our conversation. I’m not sure if he was more upset that I thought he was stalking me, or that I would accuse him of such an act. Good grief…
Categories: Odd Patrons
… the suspenders are here to stay.
And now that he is dressing like an old man, Andy has decided to start acting even more like one than he used to. Every time he bends over (which he seems to induce more than a normal person) he emits loud, annoying moans and groans. His overly theatrical ways are just not meshing well with my attempt to stay positive all week.
And one more thing… if he forces the cruise subject one more time I will indeed flush the little money I make at this lovely job by booking a spot on his upcoming cruise and then pushing him overboard when no one is looking… It just might be worth money.
Categories: Uncategorized
It’s been four days and Andy is still wearing suspenders. It is becoming more and more difficult for me to hold back the smartass comments…
Categories: Uncategorized
… and Andy is still wearing suspenders.
Luckily, while I was biting my tongue so hard I thought I’d start tasting blood, another one of my coworkers didn’t bite hers and inquired about the new “suspender mode.” According to Andy he is “tired of belts.” Well, I think he needs to learn to like them again…
Categories: Uncategorized
All good things must come to an end. And so it is with Books-on-CD Guy. I have admired him from a far for over a year now and last spring was informed of his impending matrimony. I even ran into him and the wife-to-be over the summer and though I tried to sneak away he was too quick and forced introductions. Blast…
And so yesterday, when Books-on-CD Guy came in to peruse our new acquisitions he sported not only his “make-me-melt-into-a-puddle-of-schmuck” smile, but also a chincy gold band on his left hand. Ok, maybe not chincy, but seriously, who wears yellow gold anymore?
Ah well… The end of an era is upon us. Hopefully to be replaced by bigger and better things…
Categories: Hot Patrons · Men
Andy is wearing suspenders again… they really are just not doing much for him. I think I may buy him a belt this weekend…
Categories: Uncategorized
I’m not sure exactly what that phrase means but I’ve heard it more than a few times and it just seems fitting for the way I’m feeling today.
I’m opening with Andy which is never a pleasant experience especially when he’s wearing hideous suspenders and acting pissy… When he does things like this it really induces word vomit on my part… I can’t help it.
BossMan brought his dog to the library again (this is not an unusual occurance) and it’s whining. This is why I don’t have a dog at my house.
And it’s Monday which means Ivy is coming in and I’m going to have to tell her that she totally screwed up last week and made a ton more work for some of other volunteers (at least it wasn’t more work for me). She’s not exactly the sharpest crayon in the box…
Ugh… more to come…
Categories: Uncategorized
Lucky me, I get to spend the day cooped up in the library with Ethel. First thing this morning, I had to call the Pole Artist to let him know he had an arrived hold, which means he’ll definitely be in today and try to lure back to his gallery after close… ew.
In an attempt to drown out Ethel’s constant babble I picked up the newest Conde Naste Traveler. Unfortunately, the scenic pictures and descriptions of spa emenities only made my outlook for the day that much more bleak. Someone save me now…
Categories: Uncategorized
As small children we are all taught the golden rule: Don’t take candy from strangers. In college this rule morphs into the “Don’t take a beverage from a stranger” rule. Now, years later in the library setting, the rule has returned to it’s original form.
The Pole Artist is one of our regular patrons. He’s in his 70s (to the best of mine and Conan’s deductions) and (as his name implies) is a Eastern European turned American who now makes his living by painting and running a small gallery near the library. He is missing a few fingers, and usually smells pretty bad and totally has a thing for me. At first I tried to pass it off as mere friendly, grandfatherly gestures, but after some of his comments, it just couldn’t be overlooked. He often invites me to his gallery to view his work… the paintings that is.
A month or so ago he stopped in the library and informed me he’d be heading back to Poland for vacation (or something like that) and that he’d bring me something back as a treat. Lovely. Now tell me how you can tell an old man you don’t want any of his stinking treats? I didn’t. I just smiled and nodded and hoped that Alzheimers or something would kick in just enough to help him forget. No such luck.
A week or two ago the Pole Artist returned and managed to find me back in the stacks where I immediately cornered. He wanted me to know that he had indeed brought me back some chocolate from Europe but that I would have to come to his gallery to get it. So now the man is trying to lure me to a secluded place with candy. Wow, it’s right back to the playground and the child molesters luring small kids into the cars with sweets.
I haven’t gone to the gallery. And with a little help from Conan I’ve managed to stay undercover when the Pole Artist has reappeared. Does chocolate have a shelf-life? Or am I going to have to remain on the DL forever?
Categories: Men · Odd Patrons
